yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize