my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
