Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
