hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
