have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
