The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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