we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
