Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
