i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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