don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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