I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How naked do you want me to be?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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