I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
