I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Two words: nipple clamps
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