She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
