I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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