u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
