I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
