I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
