I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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