Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
