Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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