Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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