YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
