Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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