the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
