I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
