dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
