at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We are all done wearing pants today
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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