Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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