is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize