My brain says no but my pants say off.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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