Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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