the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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