it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize