we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
