Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
