He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
