yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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