if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
