They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I did not marry a roomba.
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