Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
