Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
