I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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