Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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