Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
