We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
