So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
