in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
