four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You're like the curious george of whores
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
