My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
