i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
