it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if only i could text you this smell
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You left your phone here
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