MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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