Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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