saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
