Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
