dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
