She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
