This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
