I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
