VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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