i jhust puked up my retainher.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
