Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
