I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
