was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
