I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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