So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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