The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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