i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I got inside last night via doggy door
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
