are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize