Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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