Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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