Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
