You made me cry and you don't even care
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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