I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
