So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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