Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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